By Shannon Bussnick, LSW
Throughout life’s varied experiences, there’s often a peculiar inconsistency in how we respect personal space.
Take alligators, for instance.
These formidable creatures command our respect and a wide berth, their mere presence evoking a primal understanding of boundaries.
Yet, when it comes to creatures perceived as less threatening—say bunnies, puppies, and newborn kittens (yes, I know, adorable)—we often feel entitled to encroach upon their space without a second thought.
This peculiar dichotomy extends beyond the animal kingdom and into our human interactions.
But why?
Consider the alligator: a creature that, with its sharp teeth and powerful tail, naturally commands a level of respect (and a healthy dose of fear) that ensures we maintain a respectful distance. We rarely question this instinct; it’s a simple matter of self-preservation.
However, this respect for personal boundaries often seems to vanish when faced with beings that don’t immediately signal danger.
This discrepancy raises an intriguing question: Must one exhibit overt signs of potential danger to have their personal space respected?
The concept of personal space is deeply ingrained in our social fabric. According to Edward T. Hall, an American anthropologist who pioneered the study of proxemics, personal space is “the region surrounding a person which they regard as psychologically theirs.”
Hall suggests that invasions of this space can be perceived as aggression or unwelcome intimacy, leading to discomfort or even conflict. And yet, our societal norms often dictate that this space is not automatically granted; it must be asserted or demanded, sometimes aggressively so.
Why do we tend to wait for the metaphorical “showing of teeth” before we acknowledge and respect the boundaries of others?
This reluctance to proactively recognize personal space can lead to misunderstandings, discomfort, and, at times, conflict. It’s as if we require a visible signal, a clear indication that our approach is unwelcome before we retract and respect the boundary.
This dynamic is not only evident in our interactions with other species but also in our human relationships.
In a world where respect for personal space should be a given, not a concession, we find ourselves navigating a complex social landscape.
The respect we afford to creatures like alligators—based purely on their potential for harm—highlights a broader societal issue. It suggests that we often prioritize our desires over the comfort and consent of others unless there’s a clear and present danger to ourselves. This approach fosters an environment where boundaries are not respected by default but are instead established through confrontation or withdrawal.
To promote a more respectful and understanding society, we must challenge this norm. Respecting personal space should not be contingent upon the potential for harm but should be a fundamental aspect of our interactions with all beings, human or otherwise.
As social creatures, we thrive on connection and interaction, but these connections must be built on a foundation of mutual respect. And sure, once rapport is established, boundaries can be explored and reassessed, formally or informally speaking. This check-in should continue to transpire throughout all relationships.
In the words of Deborah Tannen, renowned sociologist and University Professor in the Department of Linguistics, “Each person’s need for space is unique and must be respected.”
While simple in text, this statement underscores the significance of recognizing and honoring individual preferences and boundaries, without the need for overt signals or confrontations.
Keep in mind—personal space and boundaries will differ from one person to the next, not solely due to one’s relationship with oneself, others, or their world views. Physical closeness does not always imply comfort and intimacy looks different across the board. I think we can all agree on that.
Still, despite this discussion on societal norms within American culture (with exceptions, of course), we must consider the cultural component here.
Cultural norms around personal space vary greatly; what is considered respectful distance in one culture may be perceived as distant or cold in another. This diversity necessitates open communication about personal space preferences, especially in interactions involving individuals from different cultural backgrounds. Acknowledging and respecting these differences is crucial for fostering healthy and respectful communication.
As we navigate the complexities of social interactions, let us strive to treat everyone—regardless of their real, or perceived, threat level—with the same amount of respect and consideration we naturally afford to the alligators of the world.
In doing so, we not only enhance our personal relationships and grade of emotional intelligence, but we promote a culture of empathy and understanding that transcends way beyond ourselves.
After all, in the pursuit of harmony and mutual respect, it shouldn’t take baring our teeth to have our personal space acknowledged and preserved.
Vienna Lane
References
http://changingminds.org/explanations/behaviors/body_language/proxemics.htm
Vienna Lane 
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