Your True North: What it Means to ‘Come Into Your Own’

By: Shannon Bussnick, LSW

Have you ever paused to reflect on your life, your day-to-day flow, observing just how far you’ve come?

Impressive, isn’t it?

Or maybe, it’s not as far as you hoped.

Either way, the essence of coming into your own—of embracing your true self—is about achieving what you’ve set your mind on and developing a moral compass, character, work ethic, and sense of self in all forms. It’s a journey without a set timeline, unique to all of us, influenced by many factors. It’s never too late to find your true north.

Here, we explore this transformative process and how it can shape your life’s happiness, well-being, and overall success.

What Does It Mean to Come Into Your Own?

Coming into your own is a deeply personal journey of self-discovery and growth. It’s about realizing your potential, achieving your goals, and becoming the person you aspire to be. This journey involves honing your moral compass, building an unwavering work ethic, and cultivating your character. It’s not just about succeeding in your endeavors but also about understanding and embracing your strengths.

There’s No Timeline for Self-Discovery

One of the most liberating aspects of coming into your own is that there is no universal timeline. We each move at our own pace, influenced by our unique life circumstances, experiences, and personalities. Some might find their path early in life, while others may take years, decades even, to fully understand and embrace their true selves. This journey is also shaped by societal advantages or disadvantages, emotional intelligence, mental health components, presented opportunities, and more.

Factors Influencing Self-Discovery

These factors above can impact our journey considerably. Life circumstances, such as family dynamics, socioeconomic status, and education, play a significant role. Our experiences—both positive and negative—shape our worldview and influence our personal growth.

Personality traits, such as introversion or extroversion, can affect how we navigate our journey. Additionally, societal advantages or disadvantages, such as systemic biases or privileges, can either hinder or expedite our progress.

Roadblocks, whether they are external obstacles or internal struggles, are inevitable. However, these challenges often provide the greatest opportunities for growth. Sure, the roadblocks will almost always be there, but it’s the response to them that matters.

Emotional intelligence and mental health are also critical components. Being aware of our emotions, managing stress, and maintaining mental well-being are essential for personal development.

Opportunities, whether they come in the form of career advancements, educational pursuits, or personal relationships, can significantly influence our journey, too. The key is to seize these opportunities and leverage them for personal growth. Remember, opportunities are found in unlikely places.

The Benefits of Coming Into Your Own

The journey to self-discovery and ‘coming into your own’ has profound benefits. It can enhance your overall happiness and well-being, providing a sense of fulfillment and purpose. Achieving your goals and realizing your potential can lead to a sense of accomplishment and success. This journey also fosters resilience and exemplifies grit, enabling you to navigate life’s challenges with confidence.

Moreover, this process can shape how others perceive you and how opportunities present. Your progress and achievements can be a reflection of your strengths, resilience, and consistency. This perception can positively impact your personal and professional relationships, opening doors to new opportunities and experiences.

Growth Mindset vs. Mastery

A common question that arises here is whether ‘coming into your own’ is a reflection of having a growth mindset and expansive emotional intelligence, or is merely about self-precedence and one’s pre-determined, instinctual potential for mastery—despite the motivations.

I believe the answer lies in the intersection of both.

A growth mindset—a belief in the ability to grow and improve through effort and learning—is crucial for personal development. It encourages resilience, adaptability, and a proactive approach to challenges.

But regardless of the underlying motivations, the ability to work towards mastery also plays a significant role. The pursuit of mastery can drive you to hone your skills, achieve excellence, and reach your goals. The end result of mastery can help keep your eyes on the prize.

Ultimately, coming into your own is about balancing these elements—embracing a growth mindset while striving for mastery and excellence, and having discipline while also remaining open-minded.

Self-Confidence, Assertiveness, and Letting Go

A crucial aspect of ‘coming into your own’ is the development of self-confidence and assertiveness.

This journey often involves letting go of people-pleasing behaviors and the fear of judgment from others. It’s about not allowing external obstacles and negative voices to permeate and affect your inner peace and self-worth. As you grow and evolve, you learn to trust your instincts and stand firm in your beliefs, regardless of external opinions.

Self-confidence is about believing in your abilities and trusting that you can achieve your goals. Assertiveness involves expressing your thoughts, feelings, and needs honestly and respectfully, without fear of judgment or rejection. By embracing these qualities, you can navigate life’s challenges with greater ease and maintain a strong sense of self.

Letting go of people-pleasing means prioritizing your values and desires over the expectations of others. It’s about understanding that you cannot please everyone and that your happiness and well-being are paramount. This shift in mindset allows you to focus on your journey and progress, free from the constraints of external validation.

Reflecting on Your Journey

Take a moment to reflect on your life and day-to-day flow thus far. Celebrate your progress, acknowledge your achievements, and embrace your strengths. Understand that ‘coming into your own’ is a continuous process, shaped by your experiences, efforts, and mindset. It’s a journey that not only transforms your life but also inspires those around you.

Strategies for Self-Discovery

Here are some strategies and techniques to assist you while coming into your own:

1. Embrace Self-Reflection: Regularly take time to reflect on your experiences, achievements, and areas for improvement. Journaling can be an effective tool for this.
2. Set Personal Goals: Define clear, achievable goals for yourself. Break them down into smaller, manageable steps or objectives and track your progress.
3. Cultivate a Growth Mindset: Embrace challenges as opportunities for growth. Learn from failures and persist in the face of setbacks. (Carol Dweck’s research on the growth mindset provides valuable insights into this approach.)
4. Practice Mindfulness: Mindfulness and meditation can help you stay grounded, reduce stress, and improve self-awareness. These practices enhance emotional intelligence and mental well-being.
5. Seek Feedback: Constructive feedback from trusted friends, mentors, or colleagues can provide valuable perspectives on your strengths and areas for growth.
6. Build Resilience: Develop strategies to cope with stress and adversity. Resilience training and positive psychology practices can be beneficial.
7. Foster Relationships: Surround yourself with supportive and positive individuals who encourage your growth and well-being.
8. Continue Learning: Stay curious and committed to learning new skills and knowledge. Lifelong learning is a key component of personal growth.

Embrace Your Unique Path of Self-Discovery

Coming into your own is a beautiful, unique journey that reflects your growth, resilience, and potential. It’s about embracing your true self, achieving your goals, and continuously evolving. Remember, there’s no right or wrong way to navigate this journey, and mastery can look and feel different for all of us. Embrace your unique path, celebrate your progress, and continue striving for growth and excellence in all that you do.

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